It has been my experience that if you have a repeated thought that you felt come from out of nowhere, you might as well follow it, because it's not coming from your ego. The ego wants to be praised, stroked, lauded for achievements. The Spirit within does things because it would be for one's growth as well as the growth of other people. So you follow Spirit's directives. And all the while, the ego who wants to be praised, stroked and lauded stabs you in the back saying, "but who are you to speak to others and pass on your knowledge? You don't have a degree--you didn't even graduate college."
It is then you turn to your ego and say, "No, I didn't. But Spirit has a tendency to call those of us who are not already praised and adored by others to speak truth. No, I don't have a degree. Society has a longstanding attachment to such things. Which is kind of funny because many people follow many spiritual avatars who never attended any sort of traditional school, save for the ones in their own religious cultures."
"Are you then saying," replies the ego, "that you are an avatar?"
"Oh, heck no. Whatever gave you that idea? I'm just an Indigo Starseed, here on assignment, to wake people up--to wake other Starseeds and help Earth get past its current state of being."
"And just what makes you so special, that you'd call yourself this 'Indigo Starseed' business?"
I have heard this question, over and over, from various secular versions of Pharisees and Sadducees, directed at other Indigo Starseeds like myself. And I have wondered how I am so qualified to help Earth when I look at my life and see where it has NOT gone. I haven't succeeded in business (yet) like other people. I have not graduated from college, and likely never will, my student loans being still partially unpaid. I still live with my parents, just because of economic issues. I am partly responsible for those issues, and partly not.
Yet I keep getting this feeling deep inside that I am called to be of service to humanity on a high energetic level. A healer friend with whom I have consulted has confirmed this calling several times already. And lately, I keep getting Archangel Michael in the oracle readings I do for myself. Archangel Michael oversees people's life purposes, and he is clearly pushing me to fulfill mine.
So, here I stand: Indigo Starseed, clairsentient, budding Tarot/oracle reader, budding Reiki practitioner...and who knows what else Spirit has called me to do. The message I keep getting in my cards is "go for it, do it! Go! You're a spiritual teacher! Go on!"
They say "fake it till you make it." I can't fake being clairsentient. Unless you've already experienced what that's like, it is tough to repeat the words of someone who experiences it day to day and have it sound real to others' ears. I also have some clairvoyant tendencies, but they're still in development. You know how hard it is to wake up a sleeping child for school? Yeah, that's what developing an intuitive gift can be like, especially after many lifetimes of having to shut it off or away because of being punished or killed just for having that gift! Now is the time for gifts like this to be awakened, and I am apparently no different, it seems.
And I also cannot fake the feeling of wanting to pass along what I know to other people because I DO want to help. Earth needs help. Humanity needs help. And apparently I was asked--and I accepted the mission. Because I serve the Light. And I don't want to see humanity continue its walk down the path of self-destruction, especially by destroying the very planet that was created for human soul growth.
Humans destroying Earth like we have been is akin to 6th graders wanting to burn down the elementary school because they don't want to grow up. They don't want to listen to the teachers and their wisdoms.
Madeleine L'Engle used a word to describe not just growing up, but growing wiser. She called it "Deepening." I first encountered the word in her book "A Wind in the Door." She was--is--one of my most favorite authors. She has passed to the Other Side, back where we all originate. She even capitalized the word "Teacher," in reference to one of her "Wind" characters being in a higher way of Teaching, of having a Greater Spiritual Work. And I remember resonating with the way she wrote that, and I remember wondering if I, too, had a Greater Spiritual Work like that.
Well...it appears that I do. I've known this since the last several weeks. And I am still gobsmacked by the idea. In fact, I am crying as I write this, because it's so mindblowing. I wonder what my old mentor Nancy Nichols, a Methodist minister while here on Earth, is seeing, if her soul has inquired after mine at all once she passed over. Not that I'm about to go back to the church. I left that scene because I was tired of the hypocrisy and I needed to do my own seeking.
BUT...online ordination is not out of the question, so I will likely be exploring that again.
Something tells me that my journey is just beginning. Just knowing at least part of what I am here to do has me thrown for a loop. But I ask myself: What would I rather be doing? Gaining spiritual knowledge, growing from that, and passing it on to others, or mucking about in the same old crappy job with crappy pay, only helping people stuff their faces with pizza that hardens the arteries and makes them sick in other ways?
No...I see the hand of my primary teacher, my favorite musician, Jon Anderson, reaching his hand towards me, beckoning me to fulfill my greatest potential. That is a LOT more appealing than the other option. And what's more--this man has helped me heal in so many ways...how could I not follow in his footsteps and help others heal, too--even if my path is not precisely the same as his?
And all this definitely beats the old "You want fries with that?" spiel. ;-)
Till next time, my friends. :-)
Peace,
Kat ^.^
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