I have no words right now.
No word but "Why?"
Why can't I fully explain my perennial connection to who is now one of the most iconic characters in theater since 1986?
Why can't I put into words what I still feel when I hear the equally iconic theme music to that character: the one who wears the long black cloak, the broad-brimmed black hat and his white-as-moonlight half-mask?
Why does Erik have so much of a beautiful hold on me? I'm 37. My love for him blossomed in my teens. Surely I would have outgrown my desire for him...
My wounded, musical self has always had other ideas where he's concerned. My friend Karma says he's one of my major personal archetypes, and she's right.
There's something I seem to still need...maybe it's that sense of belonging I feel when I imagine him close by me. Maybe it's because he and I both are musicians. I know...root chakra issues galore. I know what it's like to feel like an outsider. I feel that so potently.
But that's only a slice of the emotion. That's only a fraction of it. The desire to belong to him in the best way possible...that's another fraction of it.
Here's the thing, though: He compels me to keep exploring this darker, inner world. And it's a compulsion from my very shamanic self, too...as far as I am concerned, it's all One. It's all Connected. Music itself, for me, is shamanic.
Were it another person with this same predilections, the same wounds, the same desires to understand, to probe deeper, to "feel the full breathless pull of the Beauty Underneath.." I'd want to make the journey with them in a sense, because it's my journey, too...because I know those deeper musical compulsions, those thrumming chords of deeper desire, to understand better what it is to be human on both a spiritual and visceral level.
There's something about Erik that beckons me forward on the journey downward, inward...and the shaman in me nods, because the journey is necessary. To hell with what Mom or Pop thinks. I want to explore, dammit. I need to explore the depths of me, and Erik seems to be my guide, here. There's no other I connect with more. Jon is somewhat inappropriate because these deeper inner feelings have a strong sexual tinge to them, and there is no way I am going to disrespect him and his marriage to Jane, to say nothing of the fact that Jon is old enough to be my dad. :P
And Q is definitely not appropriate here, either, because this journey downward and inward is very emotional, let alone sexual, and he's not really all that interested in this kind of internal journeying. He understands that I connect and identify with Erik, and that's about it. He tolerates it. That's about it. Being able to convey what I feel to him is just not possible. Because Q is not a musician.
Let's just say that if Erik were in my life at all in a physical form, right along with Q, I know which one would be "Raoul." I know which one to whom I'd give my heart. I know that if Erik asked, I know the search for a Beloved would end with him. I felt the truth of this in my high school years...I feel it now.
And I know others would ask "Why?"
But then...I know the answer...and it's a very vague, very philosophical answer, but it would be appropriate...and, like Erik...tres Francais...and it would piss other people off because of its vagueness...but...here it is:
"The heart has its reasons...of which reason knows nothing."--Blaise Pascal.
I think of this and I most definitely think of Erik...I think of my love for him...however silly and irrational it might be to some...but they're not me. They're not walking in my own version of Erik's mask. They're not walking in my own version of Erik's cloak and hat.
Like Erik...I am what I am. I am who I am. And like Erik, all I ever wanted is to be loved for myself.
...and I think I love Erik still after all these years because...well..."Love Never Dies..."
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Monday, April 20, 2015
Long Island Medium
I've encountered shows about mediums, movies about mediums, books and shows by mediums.
And "reality" TV is popular--has been for the last ten or so years.
So, trust a medium with a Leo Ascendant--Theresa Caputo--to capitalize on that popularity, and create a very unique reality show of her own called "Long Island Medium."
This is about the one reality show I have truly enjoyed since "Hell's Kitchen," and Chef Ramsay isn't even psychic. :P
Of course, Theresa's show is about herself--a medium.
In case you're wondering, a psychic medium is someone who can talk to those who have crossed over.
Now, if you're more accustomed to John Edward's rather quiet, no-nonsense style, you might find Theresa a bit jarring. Theresa, like John, is from Long Island, but her accent is a *lot* thicker, and her sassy attitude is as big as her hair and where John is quiet, Theresa is LOUD!
She's also an unapologetically overnurturing mom, so if you've had someone like her for a mom, you might find that part overshadowing the bit about her being a medium. My dad's kinda like this, but he's not as bad as Theresa...and I've been watching the show because of her mediumship.
Now watching her go about town, even driving around the country, and doing impromptu readings for people--even when at the hair salon!--now that is impressive.
And she has an obvious "tell" when Spirit's coming through with a message for someone: she starts moving her mouth in a funny way--like she's sort of biting her lip. I've never seen John Edward do that, so it must be particular to her personality or something.
For all her loudness, she's truly a force of Spirit-nature to watch. You can either check it out on TLC or watch it on Hulu. Hulu doesn't have back seasons, which is fine for those of us who have only just started watching anyway.
Have fun!
Blessings,
Kat ^.^
And "reality" TV is popular--has been for the last ten or so years.
So, trust a medium with a Leo Ascendant--Theresa Caputo--to capitalize on that popularity, and create a very unique reality show of her own called "Long Island Medium."
This is about the one reality show I have truly enjoyed since "Hell's Kitchen," and Chef Ramsay isn't even psychic. :P
Of course, Theresa's show is about herself--a medium.
In case you're wondering, a psychic medium is someone who can talk to those who have crossed over.
Now, if you're more accustomed to John Edward's rather quiet, no-nonsense style, you might find Theresa a bit jarring. Theresa, like John, is from Long Island, but her accent is a *lot* thicker, and her sassy attitude is as big as her hair and where John is quiet, Theresa is LOUD!
She's also an unapologetically overnurturing mom, so if you've had someone like her for a mom, you might find that part overshadowing the bit about her being a medium. My dad's kinda like this, but he's not as bad as Theresa...and I've been watching the show because of her mediumship.
Now watching her go about town, even driving around the country, and doing impromptu readings for people--even when at the hair salon!--now that is impressive.
And she has an obvious "tell" when Spirit's coming through with a message for someone: she starts moving her mouth in a funny way--like she's sort of biting her lip. I've never seen John Edward do that, so it must be particular to her personality or something.
For all her loudness, she's truly a force of Spirit-nature to watch. You can either check it out on TLC or watch it on Hulu. Hulu doesn't have back seasons, which is fine for those of us who have only just started watching anyway.
Have fun!
Blessings,
Kat ^.^
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Readings...
So far, of the 70-odd people who have requested readings, I have completed three requests.
Each have taken over three hours in length because it seems I find it challenging to summarize things. Even in school summarizing was a challenge because I wanted to talk about everything. And talking about everything is not summing things up.
This can actually be quite exhausting when I've got Spirit saying, "choose this deck, then this..." and then later when I've done the first two decks, Spirit says--"Okay, let's add a third!"
And I haven't even used my DruidCraft Tarot at all yet. Mostly because I'm working with peeps who are in the Doreen Virtue Angel Therapy group, and if they want Tarot readings, they're likely going to be slightly uncomfy with the DruidCraft deck. Especially if some of them are kinda Christian-ish, but not so Christian-ish that alternative healing stuff like crystals, etc is going to bother them. They just likely don't want anything obviously Pagan, I don't think. I gotta consider my demographic. Well...immediate demographic, anyway. :P
If I want to use my DruidCraft deck, I am going to have to find a Pagan-oriented forum where peeps are going to be more welcoming of that, or any other of my non-Doreen-Virtue decks. And unless others use the Virtue-Valentine collaborations, I'll reserve those for the Virtue-Valentine fans. Easy solution, no one gets upset, no one's offended, and I'll get to the point where I can start being paid. (Hopefully within the next year! I would love to make this an income stream!)
But before I go searching for yet another forum, I need to get through at least half of these other readings done first. Who knows? I may encounter one or two peeps who might have no problem at all with my DruidCraft deck? I'll have to ask Spirit to point out which ones.
I'd join the Biddy-Tarot Network, but they want $29 USD per quarter, I think it is...until I get even a part time job, that's a no go. I'd rather have full time, just so I can get out of M-town a lot quicker.
Anyway...time for some Dreamwalking.
Blessings,
Kat ^.^
Each have taken over three hours in length because it seems I find it challenging to summarize things. Even in school summarizing was a challenge because I wanted to talk about everything. And talking about everything is not summing things up.
This can actually be quite exhausting when I've got Spirit saying, "choose this deck, then this..." and then later when I've done the first two decks, Spirit says--"Okay, let's add a third!"
And I haven't even used my DruidCraft Tarot at all yet. Mostly because I'm working with peeps who are in the Doreen Virtue Angel Therapy group, and if they want Tarot readings, they're likely going to be slightly uncomfy with the DruidCraft deck. Especially if some of them are kinda Christian-ish, but not so Christian-ish that alternative healing stuff like crystals, etc is going to bother them. They just likely don't want anything obviously Pagan, I don't think. I gotta consider my demographic. Well...immediate demographic, anyway. :P
If I want to use my DruidCraft deck, I am going to have to find a Pagan-oriented forum where peeps are going to be more welcoming of that, or any other of my non-Doreen-Virtue decks. And unless others use the Virtue-Valentine collaborations, I'll reserve those for the Virtue-Valentine fans. Easy solution, no one gets upset, no one's offended, and I'll get to the point where I can start being paid. (Hopefully within the next year! I would love to make this an income stream!)
But before I go searching for yet another forum, I need to get through at least half of these other readings done first. Who knows? I may encounter one or two peeps who might have no problem at all with my DruidCraft deck? I'll have to ask Spirit to point out which ones.
I'd join the Biddy-Tarot Network, but they want $29 USD per quarter, I think it is...until I get even a part time job, that's a no go. I'd rather have full time, just so I can get out of M-town a lot quicker.
Anyway...time for some Dreamwalking.
Blessings,
Kat ^.^
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Mindfulness
Mindfulness...
There is a lot to be said about this kind of practice, whether in closed-eyes-feet-in-Lotus-pose or merely walking along, being conscious of everything you feel and see.
I wish I could say I was mindful all the time, but I can't. I wish to be more mindful, to tell you the truth. Don Juan Matus (from the Carlos Castaneda books) called it "The Second Attention." Mary Morrissey simply calls it "notice what you're noticing."
But does it really matter what you call it as long as you're doing it?
I don't think so.
I'm writing about this today because I haven't been very mindful of my goals to write here at least three times a week. I've been more "mindful" of my goals for my eBay store. I'm pretty excited about them, too. But I love writing, too...as well as the divination work I'm doing among other things I've been considering but haven't done yet either because of fear or that I haven't found a time-activity balance yet.
I'm mindful of the employment and Medicaid applications I haven't finished. But I slip into mindlessness when I get distracted by things I'd rather be doing.
And the fact that I'm noticing this mindlessness should tell me something. Mindfulness tells me to just sit with the noticing and say, "Okay, that's interesting that I'm in this state of mind," and to just sit with no judgement, only loving detachment and say, "What's really going on here?" That's the Wise Counselor part of me that sees an issue, but doesn't judge my very human, reactive side so accustomed to judgement from others, let alone self-judgement. She just says, "All right, so you slipped up. Everyone does this at one point or another. And maybe there's a reason you're doing this. Maybe there is something at the root of this procrastination. But in the meantime, let's get the employment application finished."
That part of me is the gentle teacher who, unlike my Earthly teachers, doesn't scold me for "not managing time well."
And I think this Wise Counselor part of me has come forth because of my continued working with my friend Karma, who is very forgiving. She's taught me about being forgiving towards myself, let alone other people. In fact, I think that's one of my major life lessons this time around.
But back to mindfulness...hehehe...oh my mind does love going off on tangents. It loves going off on tangents so much I should give my mind its own geometry theorem. :P
Which leads me to a very important question: Can mindfulness meditation keep me from being so easily distracted by things/activities that are not essential to the task/activity I'm engaged in?
The simple, intuitive answer is: Yes. Yes it can.
Can mindfulness meditation bring me back from Distraction Land when I'm interrupted by my dad and his nonessential yakkity-yakking?
Again, I feel the answer is: Yes.
My intuition is also telling me that mindfulness meditation can also bring me the peace of mind that allows me to forgive myself and others a lot easier.
Just talking about mindfulness (along with hearing this really chillaxing melody-with-background-water-sounds on Pandora) is putting me in this really Zen state of mind where I'm looking at everything going on, smiling at myself and saying, "Goodness, she has so many interests, so many things she adores, and she feels like she's completely abandoning something if she focuses on just one or two things. She wants to find a proper time-place for everything, even things like video games and reading a good book."
Just the fact that it is nearly closing time at the library and I am still writing this instead of finishing the job application tells me something important.
Even the 6-card reading I did with Colette Baron-Reid's "Enchanted Map" deck told me I need to quit struggling mentally and listen within for answers.
The Ascended Masters deck has been bringing me the "Meditation" card a LOT lately.
So the fact that there was a meditation article from Yoga Journal that caught my eye today before setting up my computer is also telling me to slow down and just breathe...be mindful of where I am without judgement of "why I haven't done x, y, or z." Life is not an algebra problem where you absolutely have to find "x" or fail the test.
Life is a lot more fluid than that. And though we try to box life in with schedules and such that help us keep on track with things we wish to do during the course of a business day, things will crop up during that business day over which we have zero control.
Like the time the library closes for example. :P
So...I'm going to go do my best to be mindful the rest of the day...and tomorrow, Friday, and so on...I feel it will help. :-)
Namaste and Blessings,
Kat ^.^
There is a lot to be said about this kind of practice, whether in closed-eyes-feet-in-Lotus-pose or merely walking along, being conscious of everything you feel and see.
I wish I could say I was mindful all the time, but I can't. I wish to be more mindful, to tell you the truth. Don Juan Matus (from the Carlos Castaneda books) called it "The Second Attention." Mary Morrissey simply calls it "notice what you're noticing."
But does it really matter what you call it as long as you're doing it?
I don't think so.
I'm writing about this today because I haven't been very mindful of my goals to write here at least three times a week. I've been more "mindful" of my goals for my eBay store. I'm pretty excited about them, too. But I love writing, too...as well as the divination work I'm doing among other things I've been considering but haven't done yet either because of fear or that I haven't found a time-activity balance yet.
I'm mindful of the employment and Medicaid applications I haven't finished. But I slip into mindlessness when I get distracted by things I'd rather be doing.
And the fact that I'm noticing this mindlessness should tell me something. Mindfulness tells me to just sit with the noticing and say, "Okay, that's interesting that I'm in this state of mind," and to just sit with no judgement, only loving detachment and say, "What's really going on here?" That's the Wise Counselor part of me that sees an issue, but doesn't judge my very human, reactive side so accustomed to judgement from others, let alone self-judgement. She just says, "All right, so you slipped up. Everyone does this at one point or another. And maybe there's a reason you're doing this. Maybe there is something at the root of this procrastination. But in the meantime, let's get the employment application finished."
That part of me is the gentle teacher who, unlike my Earthly teachers, doesn't scold me for "not managing time well."
And I think this Wise Counselor part of me has come forth because of my continued working with my friend Karma, who is very forgiving. She's taught me about being forgiving towards myself, let alone other people. In fact, I think that's one of my major life lessons this time around.
But back to mindfulness...hehehe...oh my mind does love going off on tangents. It loves going off on tangents so much I should give my mind its own geometry theorem. :P
Which leads me to a very important question: Can mindfulness meditation keep me from being so easily distracted by things/activities that are not essential to the task/activity I'm engaged in?
The simple, intuitive answer is: Yes. Yes it can.
Can mindfulness meditation bring me back from Distraction Land when I'm interrupted by my dad and his nonessential yakkity-yakking?
Again, I feel the answer is: Yes.
My intuition is also telling me that mindfulness meditation can also bring me the peace of mind that allows me to forgive myself and others a lot easier.
Just talking about mindfulness (along with hearing this really chillaxing melody-with-background-water-sounds on Pandora) is putting me in this really Zen state of mind where I'm looking at everything going on, smiling at myself and saying, "Goodness, she has so many interests, so many things she adores, and she feels like she's completely abandoning something if she focuses on just one or two things. She wants to find a proper time-place for everything, even things like video games and reading a good book."
Just the fact that it is nearly closing time at the library and I am still writing this instead of finishing the job application tells me something important.
Even the 6-card reading I did with Colette Baron-Reid's "Enchanted Map" deck told me I need to quit struggling mentally and listen within for answers.
The Ascended Masters deck has been bringing me the "Meditation" card a LOT lately.
So the fact that there was a meditation article from Yoga Journal that caught my eye today before setting up my computer is also telling me to slow down and just breathe...be mindful of where I am without judgement of "why I haven't done x, y, or z." Life is not an algebra problem where you absolutely have to find "x" or fail the test.
Life is a lot more fluid than that. And though we try to box life in with schedules and such that help us keep on track with things we wish to do during the course of a business day, things will crop up during that business day over which we have zero control.
Like the time the library closes for example. :P
So...I'm going to go do my best to be mindful the rest of the day...and tomorrow, Friday, and so on...I feel it will help. :-)
Namaste and Blessings,
Kat ^.^
Monday, March 30, 2015
The Divine Masculine & Divine Feminine...a Balance...
I was going through images I'd taken of stuff I want to sell on eBay, and upon working on images of a book called "When I See the Wild God," I was reminded of my own points of view on the Divine Masculine and how I relate to it as a woman.
This is not going to be a totally "pat-answer" blog post by any means. In fact, I hope to turn this topic upside down, shake out all the crap layered on by society, and even views held by certain sects of the Pagan community that are geared towards the thought of the Divine Feminine being totally quashed by the shadow aspect of the masculine energies on this planet, and that in order to honor the Sacred Feminine, the masculine energies deserve to have all kinds of vitriol heaped up on them, or at best, ignored completely.
That kind of limiting view just by itself does a huge disservice to the men I've known in the past, and currently know in the here and now.
Because for us women to hate on the masculine energies completely is to hate the masculine within ourselves. It is just as dangerous a viewpoint as the men hating on the feminine, especially within themselves. Ironically, the women I've encountered who join such groups as Starhawk's "Reclaiming" covens, etc. are often expressing energies usually deemed as "masculine": anger, indignation, etc.
But are they really truly "masculine" energies, or just energies that *every* human experiences at feeling repressed and blocked from being able to be who they are meant to be?
Because, growing up, I watched my own father--a very gentle soul--repress his anger at his very aggressive, dominating mother, because he was taught that not only were you not supposed to "talk back," "sass" or otherwise contradict the parents, but my grandmother wholly believed that she was in the right for treating people the way she did. If they did or said something that she thought was foolish, or whatever, she would speak up and say stuff to shame that other person, and if you were around her enough, or were sensitive to criticism at all, she would slowly but surely insinuate that her way was always right (which it wasn't--she was very narrowminded, racist, etc) and speaking up against her was a surefire way to invoke her wrath.
Sometimes, I want to tell every "man-hater" I meet that story about my dad, and then ask them, "So, do you still believe that every man is a pile of crap just because he's a man? And do you still believe that women are in the right always, just because they're women?"
The question I want to ask the men is: do you know any strong, opinionated women? What did they accomplish? Did they accomplish what they did by being meek, quiet and doormat-ish? Or did they accomplish what they did by saying to their detractors, "I have a voice, I'm going to use it, now shove off and let me talk"?
In my studies of Taoism and Buddhism, there are the Yin (feminine) energies, which are more resting, yielding, more receptive and "introverted," and then there are the Yang energies, which are more active, giving and "extroverted."
People have tried to place judgments on which form of energy is "better" or "superior," and therefore have tried to place certain social statuses on people based on these judgments. In my experience, these are merely gender polarities, and neither one is "better" than another. The folks that try to claim which energy is more "superior" tend to have power and control issues of one sort or another.
As I said, I am not going to try and iron out everything I feel and believe in just one blog post. This is going to take quite a bit of time, quite a bit of thought and quite a bit more study.
Blessings,
Kat ^.^
This is not going to be a totally "pat-answer" blog post by any means. In fact, I hope to turn this topic upside down, shake out all the crap layered on by society, and even views held by certain sects of the Pagan community that are geared towards the thought of the Divine Feminine being totally quashed by the shadow aspect of the masculine energies on this planet, and that in order to honor the Sacred Feminine, the masculine energies deserve to have all kinds of vitriol heaped up on them, or at best, ignored completely.
That kind of limiting view just by itself does a huge disservice to the men I've known in the past, and currently know in the here and now.
Because for us women to hate on the masculine energies completely is to hate the masculine within ourselves. It is just as dangerous a viewpoint as the men hating on the feminine, especially within themselves. Ironically, the women I've encountered who join such groups as Starhawk's "Reclaiming" covens, etc. are often expressing energies usually deemed as "masculine": anger, indignation, etc.
But are they really truly "masculine" energies, or just energies that *every* human experiences at feeling repressed and blocked from being able to be who they are meant to be?
Because, growing up, I watched my own father--a very gentle soul--repress his anger at his very aggressive, dominating mother, because he was taught that not only were you not supposed to "talk back," "sass" or otherwise contradict the parents, but my grandmother wholly believed that she was in the right for treating people the way she did. If they did or said something that she thought was foolish, or whatever, she would speak up and say stuff to shame that other person, and if you were around her enough, or were sensitive to criticism at all, she would slowly but surely insinuate that her way was always right (which it wasn't--she was very narrowminded, racist, etc) and speaking up against her was a surefire way to invoke her wrath.
Sometimes, I want to tell every "man-hater" I meet that story about my dad, and then ask them, "So, do you still believe that every man is a pile of crap just because he's a man? And do you still believe that women are in the right always, just because they're women?"
The question I want to ask the men is: do you know any strong, opinionated women? What did they accomplish? Did they accomplish what they did by being meek, quiet and doormat-ish? Or did they accomplish what they did by saying to their detractors, "I have a voice, I'm going to use it, now shove off and let me talk"?
In my studies of Taoism and Buddhism, there are the Yin (feminine) energies, which are more resting, yielding, more receptive and "introverted," and then there are the Yang energies, which are more active, giving and "extroverted."
People have tried to place judgments on which form of energy is "better" or "superior," and therefore have tried to place certain social statuses on people based on these judgments. In my experience, these are merely gender polarities, and neither one is "better" than another. The folks that try to claim which energy is more "superior" tend to have power and control issues of one sort or another.
As I said, I am not going to try and iron out everything I feel and believe in just one blog post. This is going to take quite a bit of time, quite a bit of thought and quite a bit more study.
Blessings,
Kat ^.^
Spiritual Path Taking a Turn for the Wild!
I did a wild and crazy thing the other day by going out on a limb and offering to read for people over at the Doreen Virtue Angel Therapy page on Facebook.
To say the response was nearly instant and overwhelming is a mindblowing understatement.
I already wrote about it over at my newest blog. I probably should have saved it for posting here but I figured that's what cross-posting is for! :-D
Every day I am getting savvier and savvier about getting seen on the web. ;-)
This was just a brief post for the purpose of trying out "cross-blogging."
I will post something a bit deeper later, I promise! :-)
Blessings,
Kat ^.^
To say the response was nearly instant and overwhelming is a mindblowing understatement.
I already wrote about it over at my newest blog. I probably should have saved it for posting here but I figured that's what cross-posting is for! :-D
Every day I am getting savvier and savvier about getting seen on the web. ;-)
This was just a brief post for the purpose of trying out "cross-blogging."
I will post something a bit deeper later, I promise! :-)
Blessings,
Kat ^.^
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Equinoxes and Solar Eclipse and Solar Transits, Oh My!
I was going to be all organized and stuff, starting regular posting as of this past Friday, especially considering the 20th was a HUGE energy day. I was even all excited about it...
I didn't realize, however, that the energy of the Solar Eclipse in Pisces would bring up a bunch of subconscious crap, triggering both me and a long-time friend. To say I dislike conflict, especially between me and anyone I care about, is a supreme understatement. Especially when said loved one is not exactly the most tactful person around, and I am very emotionally sensitive.
Thankfully, things were resolved between us, for the most part, but that left me feeling like I didn't want to post a damn thing. I am not at my literary best when I'm down and out, so...
I am posting now merely about the effects the solar eclipse had on me. I'm still wrestling with the stuff that got brought up...like "what will peeps think of me if I do (insert activity of choice here)?" Worrying about what people think of me is not new to me this lifetime, according to an intuitive friend of mine. She says it dates back to previous lives where I apparently got killed for speaking up, or being who I am. Which explains why I have issues with my throat chakra this lifetime, and I really, really want to get that cleared up. :P
I mean, this "worrying about what people think" crap has got me going this way and that even about the smallest stuff my soul is telling me to do. It didn't help my mom added to the mix with her own similar issues when I was growing up. I love my mom, but dang!
Now, there are some things I do that people just roll their eyes at and I don't give a flying monkey's butt. But I notice it's the things that are dear to me...things I consider treasures and joys of my soul. That's the stuff for which I've gotten the most crap.
And like a certain favorite masked musician of mine, I want to cry out, asking "WHY???"
And the answer of "Because people are @$$holes" is just not good enough. I want to get down to why people choose to be ignorant. I want to get down to why people choose to be small-minded, petty and bereft of any intellectual prowess. I want to get down to why people choose to butt their noses into people's business, disregarding healthy boundaries, and thinking they have the right to dictate other people's lives for them, either through words and/or facial expressions. And then I want to understand why those people choose to behave like whiny babies and try and push the guilt-buttons when others push back and say, "No, don't do that to me, it's inappropriate." And I am most certainly not content to say "that's just the way things are," because I'm too much of an Indigo for that. Too much of a Starseed who knows that things can and should be better for ALL humanity.
I wonder if it's time to go back to learning psychology. Maybe. I don't know if modern psych classes, either offered free via the virtual courses now offered by certain websites, or in continuing education classes at the local college would help me find answers.
I wonder if I could even go back to school for such a thing in a regular fashion. I've already got student debt I've got on forbearance...I really don't want to pile on more debt.
Sometimes I truly think I'd get better answers from the angels. I'm serious about that. The angels don't need psych degrees to tell me the honest-to-God truth about other humans.
And now the song "You Have To Be Carefully Taught" from "South Pacific" is floating into my head.
You have to be carefully taught
to hate all the people your relatives hate.
That's the only verse I can remember from the song, but it's part of an apt answer from the higher realms, with thought-forms like:
Wow...that's more than just a few 'thought-forms,' isn't it? I felt like that might have been a channel or something, maybe. I don't know. Once I get flowing with words like that, words that flow into my mind's eye like that...it's like I can't stop until the message feels "done." If it was a channel, I don't know who was 'talking,' but when the words come forth addressing me and calling me 'my dear' like that, I know it's gotta be from the Higher Realms someplace.
I would like to know who I'm talking to, specifically, when I get thought-forms flowing into my head like that when I ask passionate questions like I just did up above. I mean, Neale Donald Walsch's Conversations With God are one thing, but my own conversations with higher beings? I mean, am I talking directly to Source, or a slightly lower emanation, like Michael, Raphael, or perhaps other Ascended Masters or something? Not that I'm claiming to be special, but every time this happens, it feels like that 'voice' won't stop until it's done telling me what it wants to tell me. :P
Anyway, this post was a bit of a ramble, but I admit it feels a lot more genuine and flowing than the other actual post I was writing on the day of the equinox solar eclipse, because that other draft is so stilted in word flow--and I may just delete it.
Suffice to say my original organization idea--at least for this blog--is a bit off-kilter, but perhaps I needed a few days to recover so my words would flow better.
Yours in Pax Felinum (Peace of the Cat--meow! What can I say? ;-)),
Kat
I didn't realize, however, that the energy of the Solar Eclipse in Pisces would bring up a bunch of subconscious crap, triggering both me and a long-time friend. To say I dislike conflict, especially between me and anyone I care about, is a supreme understatement. Especially when said loved one is not exactly the most tactful person around, and I am very emotionally sensitive.
Thankfully, things were resolved between us, for the most part, but that left me feeling like I didn't want to post a damn thing. I am not at my literary best when I'm down and out, so...
I am posting now merely about the effects the solar eclipse had on me. I'm still wrestling with the stuff that got brought up...like "what will peeps think of me if I do (insert activity of choice here)?" Worrying about what people think of me is not new to me this lifetime, according to an intuitive friend of mine. She says it dates back to previous lives where I apparently got killed for speaking up, or being who I am. Which explains why I have issues with my throat chakra this lifetime, and I really, really want to get that cleared up. :P
I mean, this "worrying about what people think" crap has got me going this way and that even about the smallest stuff my soul is telling me to do. It didn't help my mom added to the mix with her own similar issues when I was growing up. I love my mom, but dang!
Now, there are some things I do that people just roll their eyes at and I don't give a flying monkey's butt. But I notice it's the things that are dear to me...things I consider treasures and joys of my soul. That's the stuff for which I've gotten the most crap.
And like a certain favorite masked musician of mine, I want to cry out, asking "WHY???"
And the answer of "Because people are @$$holes" is just not good enough. I want to get down to why people choose to be ignorant. I want to get down to why people choose to be small-minded, petty and bereft of any intellectual prowess. I want to get down to why people choose to butt their noses into people's business, disregarding healthy boundaries, and thinking they have the right to dictate other people's lives for them, either through words and/or facial expressions. And then I want to understand why those people choose to behave like whiny babies and try and push the guilt-buttons when others push back and say, "No, don't do that to me, it's inappropriate." And I am most certainly not content to say "that's just the way things are," because I'm too much of an Indigo for that. Too much of a Starseed who knows that things can and should be better for ALL humanity.
I wonder if it's time to go back to learning psychology. Maybe. I don't know if modern psych classes, either offered free via the virtual courses now offered by certain websites, or in continuing education classes at the local college would help me find answers.
I wonder if I could even go back to school for such a thing in a regular fashion. I've already got student debt I've got on forbearance...I really don't want to pile on more debt.
Sometimes I truly think I'd get better answers from the angels. I'm serious about that. The angels don't need psych degrees to tell me the honest-to-God truth about other humans.
And now the song "You Have To Be Carefully Taught" from "South Pacific" is floating into my head.
You have to be carefully taught
to hate all the people your relatives hate.
That's the only verse I can remember from the song, but it's part of an apt answer from the higher realms, with thought-forms like:
"The reason why people choose certain thoughts or actions is because people get taught to think--or not think. And the people before them learned those unhealthy things, and so on back in time. And the cycles of negative thoughts and behaviors gets cycled downwards through the generations because it's considered 'uncool'--to use an Earth term--to challenge the status quo, to challenge people's thinking. That's the reason for many conflicts: thought-forms get challenged and the ones who don't like their thought-forms being challenged are the ones who are often most insecure about what they think, but they're buoyed up by everyone else's believing the same things, and they believe they have to either kill, or at least emotionally punish others for being different, or thinking in different ways. On and on it goes, until someone like you decides to step up and say, No more! That, my dear, is where the fun begins. The fun of watching things shift on your planet, that is. You might not call it fun, of course, but you can think of it like this: imagine your Earth as a body, and it's sick with a bacterial infection called negativity and violence. It would be similar to sinus and lung congestion because it involves communication. Now, imagine antibiotics or perhaps naturopathic healing herbs or something like that coming in and shaking up all that congestion, eucalyptus and tea tree oil knocking the mucus loose, purifying everything and making the planet-body "cough up" all that thick crud and get rid of it once and for all.Now, the verbal equivalent to that eucalyptus or tea tree oil might be you Indigos and Crystals standing up, standing your ground and saying, 'No more of this crap. We can't take it anymore, and we won't take it anymore. People are being hurt too much by others' bad choices, lack of sympathy, empathy, compassion, and so on. We are not going to let this go on. We're better than this. We can be better!'And yes, my dear, you are one of those people standing up, because you, too have been wounded. You know what it's like. And yes, you are angry that people choose to continue this nonsense. And it is okay, so long as you channel the anger in constructive ways."
Wow...that's more than just a few 'thought-forms,' isn't it? I felt like that might have been a channel or something, maybe. I don't know. Once I get flowing with words like that, words that flow into my mind's eye like that...it's like I can't stop until the message feels "done." If it was a channel, I don't know who was 'talking,' but when the words come forth addressing me and calling me 'my dear' like that, I know it's gotta be from the Higher Realms someplace.
I would like to know who I'm talking to, specifically, when I get thought-forms flowing into my head like that when I ask passionate questions like I just did up above. I mean, Neale Donald Walsch's Conversations With God are one thing, but my own conversations with higher beings? I mean, am I talking directly to Source, or a slightly lower emanation, like Michael, Raphael, or perhaps other Ascended Masters or something? Not that I'm claiming to be special, but every time this happens, it feels like that 'voice' won't stop until it's done telling me what it wants to tell me. :P
Anyway, this post was a bit of a ramble, but I admit it feels a lot more genuine and flowing than the other actual post I was writing on the day of the equinox solar eclipse, because that other draft is so stilted in word flow--and I may just delete it.
Suffice to say my original organization idea--at least for this blog--is a bit off-kilter, but perhaps I needed a few days to recover so my words would flow better.
Yours in Pax Felinum (Peace of the Cat--meow! What can I say? ;-)),
Kat
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